| DOORMAT SYNDROME |
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Don’t be hard on yourself for saying ‘Yes’ all the time. The fact that you like to ‘people-please’ (as some people call it) shows that you are a really kind and giving person. You simply need to balance that out, so you have enough time and energy to nurture you, instead of being left depleted and out yourself at risk of stress and ill-health.
Imagine for a moment, that you’re driving along in your car and you see someone stranded on the side of the road. You stop and give them the quarter of a tank of petrol you have left, so they can make it to the next town. Where does that generous offering leave you? Stranded. This is what is happening to you personally.
How do you rectify this? Firstly, you want to make sure that you’re always operating with a full ‘love’ tank, and by that, I mean always giving to yourself; ensuring your needs are met first. Realise that when you say ‘Yes’ to someone else, you are saying ‘No’ to yourself. Just think about that for a moment…
So you know how to say ‘No’ (inadvertently as it may be), you’re simply saying ‘No’ to the wrong person. Sometimes putting yourself first can bring up fears of being selfish. The truth is, that unless you give to yourself, you have nothing left to give to others. Remember that car you were driving, what happened when you gave away your fuel to someone else?
When you say ‘No’ it shows that you respect and value your own time and space. It also sets the platform for how you wish to be treated from others. See other people as a mirror, reflecting back to you, how you treat yourself. If you don’t like the way someone talks to you, examine how you talk to yourself. What is your internal mind chatter saying? Change that inner voice, and notice how your interactions with other’s transform as a result. It all starts with us.
Make a decision on how you’d like to be treated, then stick to it, putting in place boundaries on what you will and won’t accept from others. If you find yourself getting stuck on the spot, don’t feel you have to give an answer straight away. Simply saying: ‘I’ll need to check my diary and let you know,’ will suffice. And if you do find the ‘Yes’ falling out of your mouth before you’ve had time to think about the repercussions, it’s OK to call that person and say: ‘I know I agreed to do this, but something’s come up that requires my urgent attention.’
Not sure if you’re being reasonable? Then do a quick check and ask yourself: Have I done everything I need today to top up my own love tank? If the answer is yes, and you feel on top of life and overflowing with energy, then sure, share it with someone. But if you’re operating on anything less than 100%, then you need to make yourself the priority and pump that loving energy into YOU! |
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